Rants and Rambles

It’s a couple of days into the second cycle of chemo. I’m feeling the effects again and am reminded of the things I didn’t get around to posting in a timely manner last cycle. It will probably be the same again in a couple of weeks and again a few weeks later.

so…

For the most part, what’s bothering me are the same things that have hurt before; I mean before the lymphoma and chemo. I’ve got joints that ache. Knee, hip and especially my hands. With each cycle of chemo, those return, but more intense. I can’t say whether they’re getting worse. pain’s a strange thing. It can catch me off guard and feel like nothing I’ve ever experienced; I could swear something is exploding or being ripped off. Or I could just swear. A lot. I’ve got TMJ; that jaw/joint thing that makes your jaw lock or snap.  It’s usually not bad. But a couple of days after a chemo session and I start getting a sharp stab into both sides like an ice pick. Any motion, especially with pressure like biting, and the pain joins around the back of my head and over the roof of my mouth through my sinuses. Even moving my tongue does the same thing, so I can’t even swallow liquids. The pain meds work but don’t last very long, and it’s especially bad over night when they wear off while I’m asleep. Kind of takes the humor out of that joke about the nurse waking the patient for his pain medication so he can sleep. better to re-up the dose before it stops working and miss a little sleep than wake from the pain and suffer a half hour or more while it starts to take effect again. That’s what those mornings are like. Gladly, that part only lasts 2 or 3 days. By now, 6 days after the infusion, I’m pretty much back off the pain killers.

I said pain’s a strange thing. A lot like the noises your car makes when you try to describe it to a mechanic. You go to a doctor or the hospital, especially triage at an urgent care or emergency room; “how bad is the pain?” They use a 1-10 scale and little faces and ask you to tell them how bad it is. OK, zero is no pain; so why am I here? 10, like childbirth (like I’d know); for the mother or the child? Then there’s the type of pain. Sharp? Dull? Searing like burning or electrical? Like a stab; with a knife or an ice pick (I used that one). I’ve never been stabbed deeply with anything other than a needle. Each time (except the accident with the sewing machine) on purpose my a “medical professional” and with a statement of “…just a slight prick”. One time I’m told, as a small child, it took two people other than the doctor to hold me and I almost broke the doctor’s arm. One time, more recently, I almost came off the bed (I think I mentioned that one already). So what does a “stab” feel like? No thank you, I don’t need to expand my empirical understanding further.